The road to yesterday's
To begin discussing the path to yesterday, it is necessary to define what yesterday actually is.It's possible to think of yesterday as a day that we all constantly reflect on. It might also be understood as a period of time that we frequently recall in dreams, flashbacks, or memories. Regardless of how you view yesterday, it's reasonable to say that everyone has occasionally in their lives gone back to it.
His realization that he would have to face his past when he went back to his family's home in Lagos, Nigeria, was confirmed when he got there. He is compelled to confront his early childhood memories. He still remembers how helpless and hopeless he felt. He's been hunted by these memories for years.
Years ago, I was fine; now, however, I have nightmares every night and am unable to work. What is going on? Though the abuse happened years ago, I feel like I'm crumbling. Is that a sign that I'm growing worse?
one of the first questions I get from sexual assault survivors after they read my articles or speak with me in interviews are usually this frequent questions".
"Why now? " Why are the emotions and memories returning at this time?
However, I was constantly haunted by an inner voice that repeated the victim's statements: "You are filthy, you are disgusting, and you are unlovable."I didn't want to ignore that voice and continually hear it in the back of my mind as I went through life. I needed to deal with the root of the problem in order to get rid of it and make it disappear. I realized that I needed to deal with some clearly visible unaddressed childhood issues.
While many people, regardless of trauma, struggle to remember their childhoods, abused victims frequently experience memory lapses negatively, as time is lost and voids in their lives that they persistently and unsuccessfully tried to fill. Because they act as an anchor to the present and future, memories serve as a connection to the past.
Victor, whose father sexually assaulted him from the age of five until he was 18 years old, revealed similar sentiments. He mustered the bravery and used the knife he had concealed under his bed's pillow to stab his father more than six times till he was dead after one of those terrible, painful, and nasty experiences from his father's violent and forced anal sex.
My father's hand used to go everywhere, even to secret locations, while we rested. I was only five years old, so I had no idea what was going on. I once jumped off the bed to see what was happening behind my back.I thought I was hallucinating when I noticed that my father was rubbing his penis on my anus. My father repeatedly engages in forced sexual contact with me while assaulting me in ways that are absolutely uncontrollable and irresistible every night, inflicting terrible injuries as he does so.
Victor claimed he sobbed in agony as he went back to the house where his father had permanently damaged him forever. He took a moment to organize himself before exhibiting the image of a bed in a room on his phone and stutteringly stating, "This is where he had me get on the end of the bed and was raped by him every day.
There aren't enough words in the world to fully convey the violation he committed against me.The entire world could serve as my inkstand and it would still not be enough. That stuff split my planet in two, knocked me out of orbit, and sent me into the darkest part of space, where life is impossible.not just the rapes, but also all the aftereffects. the pain, the resentment, the self-blame, the assault, and the desperate attempt to keep it silent. It wrecked my childhood and my young adulthood. My entire life was messed up by that.
Victor was afflicted with sadness and an unbearable fury by the time he turned eleven. By the age of thirteen, he was unable to look in the mirror, and on the few occasions he did unintentionally catch a glance of himself, he reacted as though he had been stung by a jellyfish.
"What did he see? He saw the crime and his horrific debasement, and if anyone stared at him for too long, he would run or hide in terror and shame.He made several attempts to forget, but he stated that you never forget. The toughest times were at night. The dreams look like he was being sexually assaulted by his father, his brothers, teachers, strangers, and teenagers he wanted to be friends with. He would frequently bite his tongue due to the traumatic nature of his dreams, and on occasion, he spit blood into the bathroom sink the following morning.
He was discovered with a knife that was still dripping blood when the police, who he called and reported himself to for murder arrived. not long after he had been given a life sentence at age 18 for the murder of his father. Victor's huge, fully-grown cellmate, who was 5 to 6 feet threatened him with a stick and blade weapon before he forcefully had sex with him. Later, he said that other adult convicts in his cell repeatedly threatened him with the same weapon while raping him.
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